WasteOfTechnology.com » Ian “Ray” Raymond

First let me begin by acknowledging that this portion of the site is usually reserved for men who comprise an integral, yet vastly under appreciated division of Hollywood. Names like Brian Doyle-Murray, Vincent Shiavelli, and Robert Loggia come to mind. In certain instances, however, a character within a film is portrayed so perfectly that he/she ceases to exist merely within the realm of that film. Characters such as John Rambo, Jack Burton, and The “I’d buy that for a dollar” Guy from Robocop all fall into this category, but none can compare with today’s Spotlight inductee. He was revealed to us in the year 2000, drenched in Patchouli oil. Behold:

“Hi Rob. Remember me? Ray. Ian.”

Multiple ear piercings? Check. Gray Steven Seagal ponytail? Check. Patchouli oil? Big Check, obviously.

High Fidelity is one of my all-time top five favorite movies. OK, not really, but if you’re a fan of the film (as I am) then you know why that had to be said. For those of you who have never had the pleasure of viewing this intelligent comedy about life, love, and pop records, I suppose you’ll need a little background info.

Rob owns a used record store called Championship Vinyl. His long-time girlfriend, Laura, has recently moved out due to irreconcilable differences within the relationship (i.e. Rob’s kind of a bum). Needless to say, Rob is upset. That is, until he talks to a mutual friend and finds out that Laura is shacking up with Ian, Rob’s former upstairs neighbor. At this point, well, I won’t spoil it any more than I have to…but Rob goes a little crazy. Lucky for all of us, Ian is there to resolve the conflict. You see, in his own words, conflict resolution is his job.

I can only assume that Ian holds several 10th degree black belts in various deadly martial arts.

In one of the funnier scenes I can recall, the feud between Ian and Rob comes to a head when Ian visits Championship Vinyl to “sort things out.”

I’d go into further detail, but I really don’t think it’d do any good. Let’s just say that of all the possible men on this planet that your ex-girlfriend could choose to sleep with, Ian is by FAR the worst. And that, my friends, is precisely why he is so freaking great.