WasteOfTechnology.com » The End of an Era - Back to the Future: The Ride

The date is closing in on the end of a legendary ride. When they announced it in 2006 it seemed unbelievable, it seemed as if there was no way they’d really go through with it. But alas, here we are in the last week of Orlando’s Back to the Future: the Ride, set to close March 30, 2007. And though the Universal Studios of Japan and California will still have the ride for some time, the closing of the Orlando attraction no doubt tolls a bell for the other rides, and acts as a symbol of the changing of times.

As a youth I was one deprived of the joys of an American consumerism based fantasy adventure at the hands of Walt Disney’s cryogenically frozen dreams. As a result, I never got to appreciate the classic Disneyworld experience as a youngster, when it would be most appreciated. Likewise, I didn’t get a chance to experience the Universal Studios experience either. Yet somehow, by the time I finally got to Orlando, Florida aged 18, I think I had a different sort of appreciation for the parks that I may not have had as a youngster. For years I had longed for the chance to experience overly commercial blockbuster films in the bastion of commercialism itself, the amusement park. I longed to experience T2:3D alongside camera-toting Asian tourists and to cling to men with tank tops on that wet and wild drop of Jurassic Park: the Ride. By the time my chance came, I savored every minute of my time at parks like Universal and MGM and through all the lines I waited in and all the annoying kids who just didn’t appreciate the pain that the herky-jerky Star Tours ride gave them, I loved every moment. Nothing however could compare to the thrill that I got when I finally saw it: Back to the Future: the Ride.

When I first saw the ride, there was no way I could be disappointed in it. Some things you build up in your head so much that they can never live up to expectations yet there are other examples, such as this ride, where by just reaching this point is enough to satisfy. If the ride itself was absolutely dreadful, if it made me sick, hurt my back or just bored me altogether…it wouldn’t matter. I had reached the top of the mountain and no matter how bleak the view, I would suck it all in, regardless.

Even though it didn’t matter at that point, the ride itself was enjoyable. Maybe to an uninformed person who didn’t appreciate the narration of Biff Tannen and Doc Brown it might not deliver, but who cares about them anyway. For me, it was nothing short of excellent. From the time I was in that line eying up BTTF props through the time I spent on the ride itself I was experiencing childhood again in all its glory. The Delorean outside was like a holy grail and to get there was one of the most glorious moments of my pitiful existence.

And now…it’s gone. The chance to experience that level of happiness is disappearing. What’s left of the attraction will be dismantled by a bunch of sweaty laborers. The hoverboard and other props on display will end up vanishing and the lot will be converted into a ride themed towards some other film incapable of having the allure of Back to the Future, the film whose namesake provided the biggest draw for Universal Studios in its early days. And this was another great part of being on this ride, it wasn’t just a trip through time within the ride, but it was a time capsule of the great film series’ heyday. When the ride first opened in 1991 it was the one that solidified Universal Studios as the real deal. It was a ride that no doubt drew lines throughout every possible turn style and drew thousands upon thousands of those who enjoy the BTTF trilogy. To be there takes you back to the days when that film was huge, as it should always be.

No lines for BTTF: the Ride, September 2006

The closing of this ride is more than the passing of a fun ride through 1985 and beyond. It’s a sign of the times. Rumors have had everything from a Fast and the Furious-themed ride to a Simpsons-themed ride taking over the spot where the Doc Brown impersonator once posed with thousands, probably between swigs of whiskey from a flask he kept in the bushes behind the Delorean. A new era of crappy movies are now out to catch the attention of a new breed, leaving me feeling like a fart in the wind.

The BTTF ride from Hollywood will go next, then the Japanese one will follow, eliminating any hope of having this experience again. Next to go will probably be the Beetlejuice show, replaced by whatever is hip nowadays…American Idol or Rachel Rae or God knows what else. ET will disappear from the Universal landscape while across the city MGM’s Jurassic Park attractions will get the axe thanks to some bigwig accountant’s projections. And one by one I will be receiving official confirmations that not only am I getting older, but that my chances to be a kid vicariously through these sorts of attractions are getting slimmer by the day.

I one day hoped of bringing a son to experience Back to the Future: The Ride but unless some woman, possibly from the Niagara Falls area, comes out of the woodwork within the next six days with a paternity claim it just won’t happen. Then I’ll have to resort to Plan B: strapping my son into a chair and having him watch Back to the Future repeatedly while I lurk in the shadows across the room crying between sips of beer telling him it’s for his own good while he screams in confusion.

A young Bartels and Doc Brown at Universal Studios, March 2002.