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Well recently I’ve been spending quite a bit of time, and soon enough, money surfing around eBay and checking out/bidding on some classic WWF items. Recently I came across the following item:

A pair of the Ultimate Warrior’s ring worn tights.

That’s right, Warrior is peddling some more of his items.

WARRIOR is doing some SPRING CLEANING!

In my recent Ultimate Warrior Action Figure auctions many of you wrote me and said you would be very interested in Ring Worn Gear — dusters, trunks, kneepads, armbands, Ultimate Warrior Custom Street Clothes, etc. For years, I’ve kept it all. Recently, I got to some out-of-state storage and grabbed what I could for the time being. It’s been over 10 years since I last performed inside a WWF wrestling ring. I’ve moved on in my life in so many powerful ways refusing to look back in the rearview mirror and drag the dead weight of “what ifs” along with me, and now it’s time for me to start letting go of some of these Incredible, One-of-a-Kind Collectibles I know many of you would cherish having

And as I blow the occasional five to twenty dollars on some unneeded merchandise on eBay, the value of this item is especially astounding. At the time of this writing, with 20 hours still left on the bidding, these undies are up at over $300.

What do you do with a pair of the Ultimate Warrior’s tights? Frame them? Wear them? Just to look at them gives me shudders wondering where they’ve been and what’s gone on inside of them.

Beyond the obvious fact that I have no use for a pair of tights, nor hundreds of dollars to waste on them, another reason I would never bid on this item is that fact that the Warrior is a complete jerk.

For those who don’t know, the Ultimate Warrior, or Warrior (he actually legally changed his name to Warrior) is a completely insane radical neo-conservative who tours the country now insulting homosexuals, handicapped people, foreigners and anyone else who disagrees with his out of control beliefs. He’s gone on to insult everyone in his former business going as far as making the claim that the great Bobby “the Brain” Heenan deserved to get throat cancer. The fact that someone so high and mighty and self-righteous has lowered himself to peddling personal items on the internet is ironic, as he’s often labeled other wrestlers of his day who milk their fame as “pathetic.” This previous exchange within eBay over some Ultimate Warrior action figures he was selling on his eBay store just reeks of this irony:

Q: Warrior, You sir are HILARIOUS!! You are my hero. If I ever become famous I wanna go off my rocker just like you. Dave - Dec-28-06

A: What you mean is that you know will never become famous, but in your dreams when you fantasize that you might one day, you would want to have the confidence and belief in the staying power and value of your product like I do MINE. The difference between the truth you are ashamed to tell and the ridicule you find humor and comfort in, can be analogized like this: You run a pawn shop and I sell valuable collectibles. You have to sell 15-16 figures to make just at $300. I have to sell one. Our ads cost about the same, around $3-5. On top of that, your 15 figures, even given away for free, can never match the value of buying the SET for $300 from me with COA’s and autographed 8×10’s. If you think so, then you win the prize for hilarity, not I. Who’s off their rocker? And who’s the hypocrite? You bash me for capitalizing off the value I worked hard and sacrificed to build, and yet, you run out and buy my Intellectual Property, which I own the legal right to license, and, then, you turn around and resale it for a profit, yourself! For you, and others like you, I consider my highly-valued auctions charitable contributions to the study and practice of psychology. All you begrudging flops get to write and belittle my auctions and, therefore, have your self-esteems fed vilely the same. It makes you all feel bigger and more socially-conscious about yourselves: Is he nuts? $300 for action figures! Why, I wouldn’t pay… Excuse me, Davey Boy, yes you would. That is, if you had it, you would. You want these figures, Davey Boy, but you can’t afford the $300. You’re welcome for, both, the business lesson and my charity. And I must, in return, thank you for the laughs and the fun break of two minutes I spent scrawling this out for further public amusement. Have a great non-motivational, indebted life. W

Q: You put that Dave in his place! That being said, I have the $300 but I’d only be willing to pay about $10 for toys. When they don’t sell for $300 would you be willing to sell them for $10 total? - Jan-05-07

A: Then go buy toys. These are collectibles and they already have sold for $300. Perhaps you haven’t noticed while you and your pawn shop buddies have been busy trying to ridicule the auction with your horrible attempts at humor and emails laden with bad grammar and foul language. The price is $300 now, and it will never be lower than that. In fact, next time around, they’ll be double that and then I can really laugh all the way to the bank. Then your friend Davey will have to sell 35-40 to equal one sold of mine. Ah, yes, the evils of capitalism, nothing quite like it, no, sir. Better get one while they are up here, Toys R Us is sold out.

Insane? Absolutely. If this site wasn’t so tiny he’d probably find out about this and threaten to sue me for using the image of his tights (note the enormous copyright) like when he threatened to sue Something Awful. I could go on about how insane this man is but I think the bit of reading material linked from/contained in this article is a nice intro. A little web search or, if you dare, a visit to his official website will make for some more comic reading for you.

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