When Destroyer arrived in the mail I took a long look at the box cover and thought to myself, "I may have just made my best ever impulse purchase of under two dollars in my life–or my worst." The cover features an enormous picture of Lyle Alzado shirtless, wielding a jackhammer. The title is labeled "LYLE ALZADO is the…DESTROYER and the tag line reads "3,000 volts couldn’t kill him…It just gave him a buzz."

The movie is really your classic action/horror thriller, not exactly breaking the mold in terms of the innovation department. Alzado plays Ivan Mozer, a convicted rapist and serial killer who is to be executed. So he goes to the chair, and after the lever is pulled to overdrive, the power in the building shorts out and a widespread prison riot erupts. In all the chaos, Mozer’s body was never found but he had to be dead after 3,000 volts right?

Wrong.

Eighteen months after the prison was closed down following the infamous riot, a film director, portrayed by the great Anthony Perkins, begins filming an awful all-female prison escape film featuring poor acting and and plenty of nudity. The cast members of the film start disappearing as well as policemen while the young film producer, played by Clayton Rohner, tries to unravel the real story of what happened at the prison. By the time it all comes together, it’s too late.

The film, surprisingly was not that bad to sit through, considering the low expectations you have to have with this sort of movie. Lyle Alzado makes a terrific villain and the complaint I have about him was that he wasn’t in it enough. The buildup to the action with the Mozer villain was a bit slow but well worth the wait when it came. The film gives us more than Alzado-based action though. For starters, some horrible 80’s haircuts.

Additionally, the back story behind Mozer’s "death" and the real cause of the prison riot makes for a semi- interesting side dish to the action. All action films have some sort of "story" to back up the action and this one is good enough. Destroyer doesn’t take things too far or try to be too smart, but regardless, there’s a slow pace. It’s almost like the slow buildup is done on purpose, since there’s really not a whole lot happening towards the beginning. However the whole film production makes for a comical piece of this film as well, with Anthony Perkins showing he can pull of the humorous perverted film director nicely. In the end though, we just want to see some action.

When there was action in this movie, it was great. Alzado used a flame thrower to torch a guy while he was taking a crap and also used a jackhammer to put down a policeman. But the weird/unsettling delivery of Alzado is something that is what sets him apart. The guy is a natural villain, and put him in a disturbing scene like when he’s torturing the girl this just puts it above and beyond creepy.

a) First off, he picks up a pair of scissors and starts to lick them and snipping at his own tongue.

b) If that isn’t weird enough what follows was just flat out disturbing. Lyle Alzado begins to cut the girl’s hair and eat it, apparently receiving way too much pleasure from this.

I thought I would never be able to say that I saw Lyle Alzado eat someone’s hair but, alas, I can check that off my list with a trembling pen.

Another great random scene of the film is, while they’re filming an all girl shower scene, Alzado is hiding behind the wall peering through a hole in it so the film would cut between the naked women and the creepy Alzado’s eyeball intently focused on the skin in front of him. But one thing about Lyle Alzado, which is amazing, is that he doesn’t really need any dialog-all that’s necessary is for him to laugh. For example, in this film he’s following a girl named Malone and I think the whole time he was chasing her throughout the prison, all he said was some variation of "Come on Malone" followed by maniacal laughter and the occasional "bitch!" exclaimed periodically and senselessly through his seemingly ad-libbed ranting. For the most part though, it was just his laugh. And that was enough as it is one of the most evil cackles in the history of cinema.

Destroyer was a pleasant surprise. That being said, my expectations for it originally couldn’t have been any lower. Is this a great movie? Absolutely not. The pace of the film could have been better, a few slow moments really get you asking for some action and the acting isn’t great. But I will still recommend it. Lyle Alzado’s death in the early 90’s was a tragedy since I truly believe he could have been more than just an ex-football player turned B-action movie actor. He was definitely an underused commodity during the action heyday, so I’d check the film out to appreciate the devious nature of Lyle Alzado…and to see him eat hair.

Rating: 6/10