WasteOfTechnology.com » Dennis Haskins

I recall years back finding a website which featured mention of what they called, the "Belding Clause." It basically applied to anyone born after 1980 or so and said that, in a given day, there is always at least one reference to Saved by the Bell. Now as I’ve gotten older I can say that this clause can probably be downgraded to once a week, but there was definitely a time where a reference to Bayside High coming up on a daily basis was very feasible. And why not?

Saved by the Bell was a program that you couldn’t not see, no matter how hard you tried. It saturated the airwaves the way testosterone saturated Slater’s bloodstream before a big wrestling match that he always would win. The powers that be at the networks must have seen something in this show that made them decide to force it upon all of us for years to come. In all my years and all my years of being a slave to television I can honestly say that Saved by the Bell is in a league of its own as far as syndication goes. Nearly ten years after its beginning, it is still on…and on a lot.

My theory is that the government is behind it in some capacity. They saw Saved by the Bell as an outlet for their propaganda. Take a cast of bad teen actors and load up on run of the mill storylines and trite scenarios topped off with a laugh track that Helen Keller would scoff at. Now play it ad nauseum. Early morning before school, late afternoon after school. The show was syndicated ad nauseum and the effects seem to have taken effect all without us even realizing it. When was the last time when you were petsitting your friend’s lizard and it died that you didn’t simply come clean about it? Didn’t happen because you learned from the show. The last time you dressed up your nerdy friend as an alien in an attempt to foil government officials? Never. The last time you only had only five friends for the entire duration of high school, slacked off and somehow got accepted into Yale, only to end up at a California university without explanation? Again…didn’t happen. You are at the will of the government…and crappy shows like Beverly Hills: 90210, Dawson’s Creek and the OC are doing it to you now in their own twisted way.

It truly is the perfect avenue for the manipulation of the world’s youth. A nerd, a couple hunks and some girls with outdated haircuts are all you need, right? Wrong.

Enter: Belding.

The principal that you respect and love. He wasn’t your usual principal. He didn’t face any real problems and didn’t seem to have any administrative duties beyond letting Zack Morris walk over him. Hell, he only really ever interacted with the main five characters of the show. What kind of high school is it where a principal or a teacher caters only to the most popular kids and lets them run wild?

Belding had his fair share of timeless moments.

Not all fun and games
His rivalry with the principal of Valley nearly led to fisticuffs after their practical joking nearly got out of hand. There was the time where Belding’s reign as overlord briefly collapsed under the murky depths of a lot of wasted water as he went down in the dunk tank at the hands of Zack’s dad (in his only real appearance).

Discipline
It wasn’t all fun and games with Belding though. He brought his iron fist down in a stentorian slam that forced Zack to join the ROTC.

Controversy
He was no stranger to controversy as he blurred genders allowing Screech to be Miss Bayside, and even singing his entrance tune.

Family Values
He overcame competition from his brother Rod who, as most short-term substitute teachers are able to do after a week, organized a white water rafting trip.

Foreign affairs
Belding maintained and brought justice to a chess match between Screech and a Russian from Valley. The match was foiled by a doppelganger Russkie in the form of Zack with a wig.

Romance
No stranger to romance, Belding protested and remained strong with Zack and Slater during their relationship woes as he worked to cast aside the shackles of his mother-in-law. Apparently somehow in the midst of his duties as a father figure to three boys he was able to find and impregnate a woman. Fittingly, in one of the more realistic episodes, it was Zack who delivered the child with little to no birth matter involved.

Violence
In one episode, Belding broke Zack’s leg.

Trust
For whatever reason, Belding puts his prized car in the hands of Slater and Zack Morris. I mean, after all, what principal wouldn’t put the installation of a CD player in the hands of an underachiever and a musclehead student.

Belding was there through it all. Even the episodes which didn’t really feature him as an active character, he was there to chime in and was watching over it all…like something from the mind of Orwell. Big Brother Belding was in control of all of it, and his grasp over Bayside High is unmatched. He saw it all, the zit cream that turned people purple, the spaghetti sauce, Zack’s dead Indian friend. Belding did it all…and then some. Along with Screech he stayed on the sinking ship of Bayside for years to come with the Saved by the Bell: New Class, Saved by the Bell: the Newer Class, and Saved by the Bell: For the Love of God Dustin Diamond You Are Nearly 30 Years Old Move On!

The man behind it all was Dennis Haskins who unlike most other celebrities did something I always respect, embraced his association. While other celebrities complain about being pigeonholed by prior roles, Haskins is milking the Belding character all he can. He has gone on tours of American colleges spreading fun and his own positive messages on life amongst his Saved by the Bell trivia. He has also taken his work overseas to American troops and I don’t know about you but it’s very comforting to me to know that the protectors of our country and freedom worldwide grew up gaining their lessons on life from Haskins. Dennis Haskins is a true actor and a genuine human being. He can be found at colleges of various scale throughout America, or in a bar drinking shots and hitting on girls half his age.