Posted by Bartels, 10/4/02
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James Albert Varney Jr. Born: June 15, 1949, Died: February 10, 2000 Filmography: |
It is now October, the month of course most associated with Halloween. Halloween- a day associated with horror and fright. It is at this time of the year that television networks start to air their scariest flicks. Horror movies go off the shelves at their highest rate no doubt at video stores this time of year. And flicks like the classic Halloween thrill audiences all over again. But with all of the most classic scary movies out there, there is truly only one Halloween movie. There is but one movie that features trolls that can be stopped only by milk. There is but one movie that features timeless scenes such as the "How ’bout a bumper sandwich booger lips?" car scene. There is only one Ernest Scared Stupid. And of course, there is only one Ernest P. Worrell.
It all started with some Southern advertisements on local TV. According to the E! True Hollywood Story it was here where the Ernest character came to life. It was Jim Varney, the rubber-faced Southern comedian who pulled it off. From here he would go on to be one of the greatest mockeries of America with his catalog of Ernest movies and one of my all time favorites.
I am proud to say that I have seen every Ernest movie, as they came out. I didn’t rent them all at once or watch them over a series of a few weeks or months. I may have seen the first few as a youngster in a bunch, but after that I saw them all one by one as they came out on video. And this is quite an accomplishment with the quality of the final semi-catalog of his career.
It all started with Ernest Goes to Camp in 1987. The first major film of the Ernest character and without doubt, Varney’s best work. Now I know that in my writeups sometimes I may tend to embellish on the greatness of some movies but in all honestly, Ernest Goes to Camp changed my life forever. Had it not been for this movie, my current sense of humor that you and I alike have thrived on for years would not be. Ultimately, this website would not be. As a young boy seeing this movie, it was like a nonbeliever seeing a tree that looks like Jesus or something. Ernest was able to awake in me a new outlook on life. Growing up this was probably my favorite movie. And, in all seriousness is probably the best movie directed at kids ever. It has the classic potty humor right from the beginning, the same shit (no pun intended) that I still get off on. The classic "eww" upon peering into the toilet bowl established what this character and movie was all about. It was this same "eww" that I would go on to imitate through my childhood until I was like 13 until I realized no one really got it or was too mature for it. It has Ernest getting squashed my a big Coke machine and setting his leg on fire. Getting poison ivy and being attacked by badgers. In addition to the great slapstick of the flick, it has a good story. The kids and Ernest, the classic underdog, trying to overcome the tyrannical construction workers who are trying to build on the ancient Indian territory. Ernest trying to achieve his goal as camp counselor and attempting to win the hearts of the kids at the same time. And the ending "battle" between the kids and construction workers is remarkable. Everything from flying toilet bowls to parachuting turtles. As a kid it was the ultimate thrill to beat those maniacal Krader construction workers. And although I’ve never cried over a movie, the scene with Varney singing somberly to himself in the rain is a heart-tugging moment if there ever was one. Not surprisingly, no other Ernest movie would top this but there would be some valiant attempts.
In 1988 the Ernest would tap into another standard theme of movies, which is the Christmas movie. For me, Ernest Saves Christmas was the worst real Ernest movie. I don’t really count the final four since they were direct-to-video movies that Varney was making at a rate, and in the same quality of, bowel movements. Out of the original five though, this is probably the worst, or closest to worst of his movies. The one major plus of this movie is the introduction of Chuck and Bobby. Chuck (who was actually played by the same guy and really portrayed the same character, who did Jake in …Goes to Camp) was the loudmouth character and Bobby the silent comrade. The two would go on to be staples of this and the …Goes to Jail movie. Besides this, this was a weak movie. It had very little comedy in it and the story was pretty poor.
In 1990, Varney continued with what is one of the better Ernest movies, Ernest Goes to Jail. The story: Felix Nash, a prison thug happens to look exactly like Ernest, so they plan it out and utilizing one of many holes in the American prison system, swaps positions with Ernest to get out to the free world. While Nash is causing trouble for Ernest on the outside impersonating him (in this movie ironically he plays a janitor at a bank), Ernest P. Worrell is sent to the electric chair. But remarkably, instead of dying he inherits powers similar to the ones Mega Man gains after defeating Electric Man in Mega Man I. Thereby, he is able to escape and foil the plans of the treacherous Nash, winning the lady in the end. An entertaining movie filled with the heinous slapstick of Ernest that we all have come to associate with him.
1991: The aforementioned Ernest Scared Stupid. The second holiday themed movie movie. Ernest is a local buffoon, like usual, who along with a couple kids uncover an ancient tree. They get in touch with the local witch who mistakenly gives Ernest an ancient spell that, coincidentally must be read by a Worrell at a certain tree in the woods. Obviously Ernest does it at the tree and a troll that turns little kids into dolls emerges. It is up to Ernest to stop them in this action packed, fright filled comedy. This is arguably the end of the Ernest movies. This was a good one, and sadly the last good one.
The rest:
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From here on out it was pretty bad movies for Ernest standards. I still would recommend all of them just to complete the catalog and also to make the original ones look so much better.
Ernest Rides Again was Ernest helping an archaeologist uncover some ancient goods. It sucked.
Ernest Goes to School features bus-driving Ernest attempting to get his diploma. There was something else involving the marching band. It doesn’t matter though. It sucked.
Slam Dunk Ernest. Kareem Abdul Jabaar in his best role ever, including his cameo on Full House where he helps Uncle Jesse get some skills. He is an angel who gives Ernest magic sneakers. Sounds good huh. Sucked.
Ernest Goes To Africa. The best part of this movie is the cover which in one picture manages to stereotype Africa pretty badly. There is some skirmish over some diamonds. He puts them into a yo-yo or something like that. I recall a bad hippo scene or something like that. It sucked.
Ernest In The Army. I wish I could say he saved the best for last. He didn’t. Ernest wants to join the army to drive big trucks but gets sent into combat. Not a good movie. It sucked.
In spite of having a few bad movies in the end, the Ernest franchise is a good one. Ernest Goes To Camp is arguably the best comedy ever. Varney made some other movies and appearances on TV over the years, but he will always be remembered as Ernest. Sadly over the years, he was a heavy smoker and the final pictures of him represent him as the poster boy for anti-smoking ads. Varney died in 2000 of lung cancer, breaking the hearts of millions of his fans. We still have the great movies though.
R.I.P. Jim Varney
1949-2000
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